to tired..

ya'know when things don't go ur way, u just cnt help but be vexed bout 'em but then it cnt b helped can it... Nowadays I really just wanna whine bout things n tell ppl lies so tht I can protect myself n make use of 'em for myself.. huu~ I really am selfish aren't I.. but b honest, most of us think like tht smtimes.. Right? 0_0
Much as I whine n complain to myself in the end of my devious scheming n planning I could never pulled it trough cuz if I did I'll just end up feeling like a sour cream inside.. 'Damn Jimminy Cricket, u really r a drag!' seems like I've lost my sunshine.. I just couldn't find a comfortable place cuz their r miles n miles away.. T^T I'm tired of reading n it's taking a tow on me cuz I can't stop reading each one tht speaks to me.. Hope my sunshine cn b here n make me not c the others.. I really am tired of reading... I hate scheming, but in my head I c ppl n strings. I knw which to pull to make 'em go my way but I dn't hve the heart nor the courage to do so, no mtter how much I cn c.. Nw I've realised I'm goin to bcome like I was again, slowly but surely.. I'm withdrawing deeper into myself on the outside.. I'm still holding on on tht one rope knwing the sunshine exist even if they r nt visible at the moment.. I'll hold on till I cn bask in them again one day to replenish my laughter.. Hope my sunshine knw, I'm always missing all ur glory n even knw it hurts more to knw all of u r there where I cn't c..