Letting go is hard

The feeling of falling in love hurts. I loved him but I doubted him. I wanted him to hold on but I told him to let go. It's complicated. My ego was in the way. I loved him so much till it hurts. Now we both have moved on. I guess I still can't honestly say I have truly forgotten everything we had. That can never be truly erased. Honestly I don't want it to go away. The experience made me who I am right now at this second. who knows I might have become another me if not for that experience. Right now he is with someone else. I admit I am jealous he found his footing so soon, but I think I'll get over it and find my own love that I will hold dear and willing to throw my pride away.

Reading.

I cnt c very well when I was a kid. So I nvr look at ppl's faces, just their mvemnts, voices n all the slight detailes tht I cn pick up with my blurred eyes n other senses. I had been happy in my own world, where I don't 'knw' anyone, where I create possibilities, believing in the unlimited abilities, no ground nor vines cn trap me. My world. As I grow up like many child's world, it crumbled, but mine fell apart a bit to late I suppose. cuz by the time evrything fell apart, outside of my world I was being stared at by disapproving eyes tht bore trough my souls. It puzzles me for I've nvr seen it in my world. Reality was harsh. n my advntage in my world bcomes a nightmare. My calculative logic n my habit of observing small things closely automatically fused itself to the reality closest threads, emotions. Not mine but others, forming twisted spider like strings. It became a detestable habit to look n absorbed these infos. I used to use 'em to get by but nw with my visions enhanced n my world shattered, it bcame sumthing I cnt ignore since its too clear.


If u were to hve the gift of reading ppl's emotion n predicting their reactions to an accurate 90% possibility, wht would u do?I guess sounds fun for a while, but just like winter season for a tropical person(someone who loves the sun) it'll get harder and harder to handle after some time passed by. Slowly but surely it'll bcome something u don't wanna c.

En- an unfinished story

AU: I suddenly got hit with a hardened rock like inspiration that made my fingers typing on my dusty ol' keyboard. Dunno if I'll update it or not but I do hope I will. I guess it depends on how the story carries me. First and foremost my grammar needs fixing, but I still dun have anyone suitable to b my beta reader.

People

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Do y'knw one of those days where u think people are looking at ya left and right, and you think they are talking 'bout you and everywhere u go u just can't feel that they are not? I take that as yes and no then.. For me who face this things daily the only thing to do is to stop thinking. I'm really scared that all I wanna do is runaway.. I don't even knw which is the right way anymore.. what I know is every way I went n try is too scary to take. to much consequences that it scares me to death. My name's En. This is my story.

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''umph!'' the recoil of the edge of my shoulder stings as I look up for a few seconds n got a slight glimpse of dark blue perpetrator then the views of the the waxed marble floor caught my attention once again. The 3-7 split bangs of my hair fell from my forehead creating a curtain tht  managed to cover my glares and my downward postures did the rest. I mumbled the word 'sorry' almost to a whisper n gave a slight nod as I whisk my way onwards trough the almost empty corridor making my shoulder length ponytail wagging like a downcast tail at my movement. It seems I'm late only for 5 minutes guess I'm lucky today. Her nagging won't be as long n I don't have to deal with 'that' look of hers thanks to this. As I step into the class my covered eyes didn't let me get away from every lil' ounce of emotions that poured from every wretched breathing things that is moving in the chalk scented room. It's disgusting. 

every step I take to my designated spot feels like dragging my feet trough a shallow lake of thick smelly gunk. I could never deal with place with a lot of people, its suffocating. Breathing in CO2 filled container is easier then this. Sigh. My chair made a small creak as I made my attempt to sit at my place as undetected as possible. I don't understand why the system made the seats paired. Its unnecessary company and it's already got under my skin even without this loud mouth busybody next to me. I filled my seven hours of hell trying to ignore her yapping and occasional poking whilst with great effort trying to center my focus to the teachers so that my senses could be numb by the concentration.

been a while..

Greetings internet society,

it seems I've been ignoring this blog for a lot longer than I thought..
not like there will be tons of ppl missing me.. negative thought prevails yet again *cue evil laugh: MUAHAHAHA*
to those who wasted their time opening and reading this I thank you from the bottom of my wine red pumping heart.


I wanted to break up, I don't want to break up. I love him, but I hate him. I'm trowing a tantrum yet again.
I wanted to be honest but I'm scared.  I want to act normal and talk about tons of things but my tongue wont move.. I said to break up so u'll hold on to me. I'm jealous, I'm angry.. What am I suppose to do? Your attitudes pissed me off, you won't listen to me, you can't decide, you are too kind to the point of idiocy, too impulsive, always jump to conclusions while thinking about the most negative outcomes, too proud of your past and doing nothing of your present. U are the bona fide idiot that I hate and love.

to tired..

ya'know when things don't go ur way, u just cnt help but be vexed bout 'em but then it cnt b helped can it... Nowadays I really just wanna whine bout things n tell ppl lies so tht I can protect myself n make use of 'em for myself.. huu~ I really am selfish aren't I.. but b honest, most of us think like tht smtimes.. Right? 0_0
Much as I whine n complain to myself in the end of my devious scheming n planning I could never pulled it trough cuz if I did I'll just end up feeling like a sour cream inside.. 'Damn Jimminy Cricket, u really r a drag!' seems like I've lost my sunshine.. I just couldn't find a comfortable place cuz their r miles n miles away.. T^T I'm tired of reading n it's taking a tow on me cuz I can't stop reading each one tht speaks to me.. Hope my sunshine cn b here n make me not c the others.. I really am tired of reading... I hate scheming, but in my head I c ppl n strings. I knw which to pull to make 'em go my way but I dn't hve the heart nor the courage to do so, no mtter how much I cn c.. Nw I've realised I'm goin to bcome like I was again, slowly but surely.. I'm withdrawing deeper into myself on the outside.. I'm still holding on on tht one rope knwing the sunshine exist even if they r nt visible at the moment.. I'll hold on till I cn bask in them again one day to replenish my laughter.. Hope my sunshine knw, I'm always missing all ur glory n even knw it hurts more to knw all of u r there where I cn't c..

Where am I?? 0_0

U knw one of those days where u wake up and just feels at lost..
(-__-lll) Well been hving tht for days now.. ugh. just made me wonder wht am I doing this summer holiday(its semester break actually.. Malaysia is always summer ^w^)
Seems I've made my mom upset this couple of days.. cuz I've been stuck in my room.. I shouldn't do tht.. Dear me, please pick urself up.. 

Btw, these days, there's a guy I kinda sorta maybe probably like.. ^~^ umm.. I'm not too sure myself.. I'm pretty perplexed bout it cuz just not too long ago I've been having a crush with this other guy.. Ugh.. I'm really easily swayed aren't I... =_=

I look matured for my own age and it made ppl around me depend on me a lot however in truth I'm really dependent on others.. I've a terrible complex bout my looks bcuz of this..  Just pouring things out.. I think I'll strt updating this next week so till then.. Bye~ ^A^/

Hello Kitty (っˆヮˆ)っ

A Super Good News to all Hello Kitty Fans!!

I believe a lot of you girls and guys searching around
where to grab for Hello Kitty items in Malaysia for a really
long time…

And today…

Finally… Hello Kitty Malaysia is here..!

They are having pre-launch right now and as a special
pre-launch offer, you can have RM5 voucher and bonuses like
Cute 3D Hello Kitty Model at zero cost. If you don’t believe me
check it out for yourself here, while it’s still available:

==> http://www.hellokittymalaysia.com

This special pre-launch offer is valid only till the launch day,
after which it may be taken off completely. Stop reading this now,
and go to the Hello Kitty Malaysia website and claim all voucher
and bonuses now:

==> http://www.hellokittymalaysia.com

If you’re reading this blog post too late, then you may have missed it.
Don’t leave a comment to complain because there’s nothing I can do.
I DID tell you it’s a limited offer